The Loremaster Takes on Lore
by Falerin

Having recently deposited my young ward in the abode for a brief visit, I have a few moments to turn my attention again to my duties as commentator for all things Lorian. Having recently commented on the state of Lorian hospitality, and having thereafter discovered the situation in Lolosia to be even worse then I previously recalled, it seems only apropos that I turn my attention now toward the state….

 

My apologies I was just rudely interrupted by an apporting moglin. Where was I? Ah yes.

 

It seems only apropos that I turn my attention now toward the state of the Lorian entertainment industry.

 

Entertainment in Lore is not hard to find, if in fact your idea of entertainment is to assault other beings. The idea of battery being a fun diversion is hardly unique to Lore but lore has mastered the skill to the point of it being a specialized art form. It is difficult, nay impossible, to journey far via traditional routes…

 

Having already told the moglin once that I did not want a sardine sundae he is now offering me anchovy and escargot gelato…. The cuisine implications of such an abomination are staggering…

 

Moving along, it is difficult, nay impossible, to journey far via traditional route without being attacked by someone or something looking for such amusement. It is little surprise given the state of Lore that assault upon the moglin race has become endorsed by so many. Indeed given the pervasiveness of the practice it is near impossible to find even a paladin who does not partake of such ribald entertainment. Many excuses are offered to justify this abuse of moglin kind, but few…

 

Neither trout sorbet nor carp sherbet holds particular interest. Clearly however this individual should consider a career on terra. I am told that there is great market for fish ice cream as part of their own food entertainment rituals….

 

I digress, many excuses are offered to justify this abuse of moglin kind, but few hold much weight in light of the absolute depravity that such amusement requires.

 

This oldest of Lorian sports takes many forms. On Battleonia the sport is called punting and is a crude mirror of ball kicking sports. The object of this uncouth entertainment is to send the moglin aloft entirely with ones foot for both distance and accuracy. Height while not strictly measured in competition is also desirable in many cases. The moglin then is forced to collect mystically suspended food items from the aether. This food collection seems to be a sort of bribe for the moglin who inexplicably returns to their “friend” again and again. This is undoubtedly a case of Stockholm syndrome and….

 

I must apologize but I have to call this article off… I was going to comment on the Paxian variation of the sport which involves a catapult but I believe I need further field testing to be sure.

 

It seems to me that perhaps I have been a tad hasty in my judgments. It was the angler fish brownie ala mode with beluga roe rivel that convinced me. Given however the taste for something “exotic” in the dessert course I think I will present you with this interesting variation of desert soup just in time for summer.

 

Watermelon Soup

 

5 ¼ cups chunked seedless watermelon

½ cup diced English cucumber

1 pint fresh raspberries

1 ½ tablespoons fresh spearmint

2 tablespoons honey

2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice

2 tablespoons lime juice

1 teaspoon sliced fresh ginger

½ cup water

Pinch of cayenne pepper

Salt to taste

 

Place all ingredients in a blender and blend until smooth. Chill for several hours. Strain through a fine wire sieve. Serve with a dollop of sour cream sweetened slightly with a little sugar or crème fraîche and a sprig of mint.

 

Variations:

 

This soup is excellent with yellow watermelon and golden raspberries for a bright and vibrant variation.

 

Blackberries can add a colorful punch.

 

Regular watermelon may be substituted if seeded carefully.

 

Try substituting honeydew or Santa Claus melon for the cucumber.