Notably Novel News
by Varin
Whyrl E. Bhyrde here again! Due to popular demand the Drakel Broadcasting Center has, in their infinite wisdom, agreed to run a string of news features on the latest events happening across the vast face of Lore. By the by, in answer to numerous queries: no, the helicopter is not available to the public just yet, so the fans that have asked for one will just have to wait!
Seriously Sinister Seven Swarms Stampede
As we all know, the town of Battleon is known for its ceaseless share of wars. Well people, get ready for this story! The mother of all wars has come knocking to Battleon and there is no shortage of carnage to go around. Seven sinister scalawags that we all know and hate (or love) have shown up in full force. Leaders of their own unique armies, they come with a purpose. What you may ask? Oh, the same old agenda-- murder, pillaging, maybe a coup; you know, the usual! Rumor has it an old friend is directing these Vile Villains but no friend of this reporter has ever held truck with the ZardMaster. While there is no shortage of those willing to fight, whispers point to a choice of a few of the defeated villain's treasures for those who do their fair share, so Battle On!
Devourer's Defenders Defeated in Droves
It is with great glee that this reporter comes to you from the back of the lines in this time of crises. Yulgar nearly co-opted my copter into scouting duty but it is with great relief on the part of the camera crew that the DBC intervened, marking this chopper's status as a non-combat vehicle. Contrary to the great hubbub and to-do with the last war that this reporter had the pleasure of reporting on, this one seems sedate in comparison. Then again, it is merely one army on one rather than that Seven on one fiasco we had a few weeks back. Though this journalist suspects that the Guardians of Battleon had help there, due to accounts heard of Calladus' minions snacking on Zards during the lulls in fighting. How uncouth!
Green-thumbed Grobots Gather in Gardens
Today, viewers, this journalist has the most curious delight of bringing to you the account of the most mismatched alliance that Lore has heard of yet. Zards and Dragons, who would have thought, and half metal? If the DBC didn't have better sources this reporter would think it was some crazy Drakel's dream-invention gone terribly wrong. Heed caution well, for things on the farm are not as they seem; do this reporter a favor and be on guard! Rumors of an enchanted metal armor that can make one into a variety of animals are substantiated; this reporter witnessed a guardian clad as snake before changing into a hawk and soaring from the scene of this report.
Wonderful Wand Waits at Warlic's!
Wizards rejoice for a wonder-wand has arrived and the great producers at DBC have allowed me a first hand test spin of it to report to our viewers! While producers at the DBC mean not to spoil the surprise of such an awaited for item, they do think you will enjoy this wonderful weapon. With that being said, those not wanting to spoil their own surprise must look away now. The balance is absolutely perfect, allowing a dexterous mage the utmost control of their spells with manipulation of the wand-tip. The essence of the wood is pure and uncorrupted allowing a dazzling light attack to cast forth from the tip most of the time. Advanced mages will find that the lesser portion of the time a choice awaits them. Three great incantations are available those who are able to master this magical weapon: A powerful woodland creature to fight by your side, an ability to rend null your aggressor's attacks, and my personal favorite, the power to force the attacker into damaging themselves with their own attack. Look for it in Warlic's Shop, both novice and advanced versions available.
Nautical Navigators Engage Noiseless Ninjas
Two fearsome armies of Lore entered a fray on the beaches. An armada of pirates landed aground, presumably to plunder treasure, and was promptly engaged by a never-ending horde of ninjas. At least this reporter assumes that it was never-ending, as most of the ninjas were invisible to the untrained eye. Quite harrowing to have them leaping from nowhere in that fashionable black attire. Adventurers and guardians are being allowed on-site to pick their side in this war without fear of reprisal. At least, that is, until the side is picked, then one may need to watch themselves. It is said that this unexpected war is over a hidden chest of treasure.
Irascible Imp Imparts Invitation
News to anyone having visited the odd little imp in the attic of Yulgar's Inn. Bishop Finch, the twisted imp, is bored of waiting around for adventurers to stumble in and visit him. He has decided to visit his friend out in the forest and is available to be hired on as a guard at people's houses. How he manages to protect the house of everyone that hires him is a secret he won't let loose. When asked to comment, Finch merely muttered something about getting bored up in that attic and that he'd find his own snayl shells.
Stunning Safiria Summons Scouts
Vampire vixen, Safiria, offered a contract this past week to anyone willing to partake in a “bandit” problem. Those that attempted this offer have reported to this journalist that it was a hair-raising experience. None have commented on the nature of this job, and none to this reporter's knowledge have completed successfully. The only quote that might help someone make heads-or-tails of this opportunity is that one from a Guardian, “I feel like I need a bath. Anyone else have an urge to lick their hand?” Troubling indeed.
HECK's Hunters Hatch Havoc
Terrible news! That mischievous moglin, Zorbak, is up to his usual dirty tricks! A portal to the cursed realm of HECK has opened, spewing forth demons into the surrounding areas. Those returning alive from the portal state that the nefarious demon Stragath is behind this invasion. Those returning not quite alive tend to babble about an impossibly agile Zard. One unlucky adventurer even muttered about potions swirling in his vision. Must be the delirium of moglin-aided healing. On an unrelated note, the stock of Body Bags Inc., has tripled in the past week!
Well, folks, once again this has been Whyrl E. Bhyrde for the DBC and Notably Novel News bringing you first the news you want to hear about.
