The Loremaster Takes on Lore
by Falerin

I fear that recent complications have made it somewhat difficult for me to review at length the status of Lore. I have been busy with numerous other responsibilities and am involved in a major project even as I steal the few moments to write this commentary. My work, it seems, is never done. I digress.

 

I have reviewed hospitality and Lorian entertainment previously to some fanfare. It has also become something of a custom within these missives to include my contribution to the better culinary status of the average Lorian. As I am something of a gourmand I consider this duty to be a pleasurable one and well worth pursuing. Especially since the existing options are so very lacking.

 

Keeping in mind that the majority of Lorian culinary experience is provided by the very Inns and taverns that provide such a lousy hospitality industry it is not surprising that food options are likewise lacking in the main. That said, there are some good options if you are willing to venture off the beaten path.

 

Given the submissions of my co-contributors there can be little doubt that the Dragonslayers have a particularly robust culinary repertoire. Unfortunately, the fact that the majority of this repertoire seems focused upon the consumption of sentient life must be considered.

 

A line must be drawn somewhere and for me food that can think for itself exceeds my comfort zone in the main. Fortunately not all of the Dragonslayer's culinary experience does, in fact, require the consumption of beings of substantial intellect. Indeed, a recent submission, nay one within these very pages, offers us a look into the Legendary Ultimate Quiche of Ultimate Destiny. This Quiche (a capital q must be employed here for indeed this is the Quiche by which all mortal quiche is measured) is known on several worlds; such is its vast influence on the culinary fates. The baking of millions of these Quiches may is of sufficient distraction to buy Lore some extra time against those who might otherwise eat the planet itself. Not that said beings literally eat anything but the metaphor stands if we can distract them with food that is to their liking.

 

Unfortunately, we must consider the dangerous possibility that the Uncreator is, in fact, a fly fisherman. This is especially likely if he read Twig's contribution in previous issues. This is a problem chiefly and primarily because as everyone knows: Reel men do not eat Quiche. I have never been clear on the reason why fishermen should avoid an otherwise tasty delicacy but it has been repeated often enough to have substantial weight.

 

Since I myself rarely fish I enjoy a good quiche, but fishermen apparently avoid the dish like the Carsigellian plague. In addition, as I already owe Twig a recipe after our recent unfortunate run in with the catapult, I feel it only fair that I provide a recipe that concerns itself with the meat of the fisherman, seafood.

 

Now it seems to me that this recipe qualifies as a quiche itself. However, since that’s an abject oxymoron we shall call the recipe a seafood pie instead.

 

Seafood Pie

 

1 (9 inch) prepared pie crust

1 1/2 c. shredded natural Swiss cheese (variation may be gotten by using cheddar, or pepper jack)

8 oz. seafood meat precooked (shrimp, langoustines, crawfish, crab, lobster, salmon, scallops, one or any combination)

1/2 c. green onion chopped

2 tbsp. all purpose flour

1/2 tsp. coarse kosher salt/coarse ground sea salt

Dash pepper

Dash Paprika

1/2 tsp Garam/Kashmiri Masala

4 eggs

1 1/4 c. half and half

 

Roll pastry to 13 inch circle on lightly floured surface. Place in 10 inch pie pan. Flute edges. Sprinkle cheese, cooked seafood, onion, flour and salt and pepper on crust. Beat together eggs and half and half and remaining seasonings. Pour over cheese mixture. Bake 55 to 60 minutes in preheated 350 degree oven. Cool 5 to 10 minutes to set before slicing. 6 to 8 servings.

 

Clearly you must NEVER use a quiche pan for this recipe.

 

I will close with some food of an entirely different sort to ponder. This is something from my youth updated for this venue:

 

Disclaimer:

The previous and other articles in The Zardian may contain errors. If you have spotted them please stop and consider that they may have been left in deliberately. Some individuals take no joy in life save in finding or pointing out the flaws of others. We here at The Zardian want to include something for everyone.