The Evolution of the Sneevil
by Varin
Have you ever stopped to wonder just why there are so many species of Zard, and where they all came from? It may sound odd, but one conjecture is evolution. From what did they evolve, you may ask? This treatise will attempt to answer this question with a very interesting idea: they came from Sneevils.
While in the past Sneevils were quite prevalent in Lore, now they are nonexistent. It is a shame, for this curious breed of creature was a scholar's dream to study. Their life obsession was boxes- to collect them, buy them, trade them, wear them, live in them; everything a Sneevil would do was motivated by the box. They were hunted to extinction, or that is one theory that people may give you.
This dissertation, in its own rambling way, will attempt to explain what really became of the Sneevil, and just where the Zard came from. While records on their habits and habitats are very scarce, from compiling accounts from those that used to hunt the Sneevils, a few seemingly apparent facts can be conjectured.
One: A Sneevil's life expectancy is assumed to be approximately 12 hours. This is due to heavy poaching of them by Adventurers and the inevitable box-related accident, (heavy boxes and weak Sneevils do not mix.) Such a short life span leads us to our second hypothesis.
Two: A Sneevil is able to breed at prodigious rates. The assumed gestation period of the Sneevil is around 8 minutes. This would, invariably, lead to increased chance at variation and increased population due to the severity of the hunting.
Three: Sneevils are known to hoard boxes. While not a great secret, this also leads to, in part, their being hunted. Some of the boxes in a Sneevil's hideout are known to have contained valuable items which Adventurers would capitalize on, leading once again to their hunting. And even the casually curious Adventurer would be met with a snarl and an exclamation of, “My Box!” by the most timid of Sneevils.
Four: Sneevils disappeared from Lore around four to five years ago.
Five: While not a fact on Sneevils, Zards began showing up in Lore approximately four to five years ago.
These bits of information on their own are almost useless to a scholar; however, if you string these facts together, this creates an interesting picture to those with minds adept enough to unravel the mysteries. While this scholar was never able to determine when Sneevils were introduced to Lore, it is known that approximately five years ago, Sneevils were very prevalent in Lore, snug in their forests and box-forts. While initially left alone to their own devices, Adventurers soon learned that by exploiting the Sneevils and unleashing genocide into their ranks, they could profit enormously. The cause for this greed is unknown, but some feel that it may be due to the price gouging on certain “Doom” weapons that were in fashion in these ancient times of... five years ago.
Those Sneevils that escaped the purges or lived long enough to breed were subject to natural selection. Those that were able to reproduce quickly were, quite naturally, the most able to continue their genetic lineage. Within an extremely short period, the Sneevil's life expectancy was cut to a mere fraction of what it used to be. Their ranks needed quick repopulation due to the threat of extinction. Also, in addition to the such prodigious rate of reproduction, the Sneevils attempted to spread out, raising box-forts at the far reaches of Lore, intending to escape the genocidal persecution.
Alas, as ascertained from dubious accounts of drunken bar-goers, the Sneevil population was scattered on respite, but it was not to be for long. Inevitably, Adventurers still hunted them down and attempted to steal the contents of their boxes! Within the year, it was obvious to the combined nations of Sneevil that without some sort of fix to this problem that their entire race would be wiped from the face of Lore without so much as leaving a trace of their culture, except for ruins of once-great box-forts.
The next portions of this treatise are merely wild conjecture and hypothesis and as such should not be taken in any seriousness. This is merely the hypothesis by this scholar, based on his opinions of how events went in Lore's recent past.
Now, the Sneevil as a culture had an easy choice; to go into hiding as a race or to be hunted into extinction. Even factoring in their legendary reproduction rate, Adventurers were slaughtering this race faster than they could breed. Little by little, this race succumbed to the darkness, faking their own extinction as they withdrew into the shadows of Lore. While no one knew exactly where they went, and a mass wipeout was assumed, no one knew for sure. This scholar assumes that they took refuge where they could, be it in the darkness of the unknown, or the heat of a volcano, or the depths of the ocean. The main thing is that they disappeared, never to be heard from again. Or so it was thought.
Through many hundreds of generations of a day being the maximum lifespan, Sneevils reproduced rapidly. The mortality rate was assumed to be rather high at the time due to the harsh conditions they were forced into. Within a few dozen generations, the conditions favored those that could stand up to harsh terrain. From the Sneevils living in very warm climates evolved FireZards, HelZards and InfernoZards; all very hardy breeds developed for surviving these conditions. The fact that there are over more than 35 known species of Zard shows just how resilient these new breeds became.
While this explanation is an answer to the original question, a few more arise. What ever happened to the Sneevil/Zard's love of boxes? What about the Zard Master, where does he fit into all of this? What ever happened to the Weapons of “DOOM”? Those questions are perhaps for another time.
Disclaimer from the writer: The above article is in no way even close to being canon to Lore. The above is just merely the equivalent of the “Earth is the Center of the Universe” hypothesis. Sure it makes sense to the person putting it up, but that does not make it correct.